1. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

2. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a pub by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.

5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another bloke who's running late is 5 minutes. for a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

7. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your mate is trying to pull is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it.

8. Before dating a mate's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

9. If a man's flies are down, that's his problem - you saw nothing.

10. The universal compensation for friends who help you move is beer.

11. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

12. It is permissible to consume a fruity tart's drink only if you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super model...and it's free.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. If a mate is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What he needs is a good ass-kicking", then you may sit back and enjoy.

15. You don't let a mate wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

16. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

17. Never join your girlfriend/wife in slagging off a mate, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

18. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FU*K OFF!  " You are absolved of your of responsibility.

19. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

20. B!tching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

21. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

22. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

23. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant d!ck-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all The Code requires.

24. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

25. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

26. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

27. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:"Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

28. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

29. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both ur1nating or both waiting in line. In all other situations,a nod is all the conversation you need.

30. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.